I was weaving a basket for therapeutic effect
But my necktie somehow got woven in.
Wearing a basket on your chest isn't therapeutic,
Still, the self help game I was determined to win.
I was complementing myself while looking in a mirror.
Then I invited myself to have a friendly drink.
My reflection got drunk and tried to start a fight.
We were gonna fight but no one ever blinked.
I was sitting on the floor in the lotus position
To meditate upon my inner self
But my legs went to sleep and wouldn't straiten
Which left me about the size of an elf
I was making a list of all my faults and attributes
To try to prove that, heck, I'm not so bad.
I guess I should have started with the attributes;
Damn! Sometimes I really make me mad.
I've heard about a new form of self therapy
I was going to try it for my mental health
But it's been several weeks and I haven't tried it
You see I'm still not speaking to myself.